What Not To Do
by Rachey Himura
Summary: We've all read stories that make us literally twitch because of Mary Sue's, spelling and grammer, etc. This is a story which involves all those, it's an example of 'What Not To Do'
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:** This is a Parody - an example of what people should NOT do in their fics. Horrible spelling and grammatical errors are all on purpose, wrong information will be ever present and this is completely for mine and others amusement. Please, don't take too much offense if you find one of the things you do below - however - be very, very sad if your 'serious' Fics closely resemble the following. :D All reviews welcome, including Flames, just don't flame me on bad spelling and grammer, cause this is a fic on _What Not to Do_. ;)

**What Not To Do**

She was perfectly pretty with her rounded stomach, her green eyes and her cross shaped skar, not at all like Harry Potter. Yet, she was his sister. She was his twin sister to be exact, raised and forgotten about amongst the rubble of her house and raised as a servant girl by her muggle 'parents'. It seemed, she'd never come into her magic, never become what she was supposed to be. Her pimply face would forever be forgotten and wiped of the stories when people told of Harry Potter. She would never have a legend of her own to tell. 

Or so we all are thinking right now, but then where would this story go if the Mary Sue didn't ever meet her brother and fall in love with his arch nemisis? Eh? So... back on track.

Lena, James and Lily Potters daughter was now cleaning her the living room in her ripped and stained clothing, her greasy red hair was in desperate need of a washing... in fact, she was in desperate need of a washing. Covered in soot, dirt, oil and god knows what else. She was truly 'beautifil' to some people, not mostly an eye sore for the sane of the world.

Hagrid, the half giant, apparated into the living room, smiling broadly down at the girl who fell backwards on her rump ass to star in shock at him, she'd never knewn magic existed and now... here this half-giant was popping into hers living room from seemingly no where... was he going to hert her? _Oh lords no, I'm too young to be raped! I don't want to have a cid! I don't want to die!_ She thought.

She skreamed...

"Now dear, don't ye be a worryed about me, I ain't going to hurt you!" Hagrid calmly said with his patient, caring smile.

"You... how..." Lena tried to speak but just couljdn't.

"Magic! Now come, come with me... I'm here to get ye so ye can learn how to do magic too."

Shen odded, standing next to the half-ginat. With a big hairy hand on her shoulder, they apparated back to Hogwardts school, it was her 16th birthday that day. Joolie 1st. And she was excited, but she had lots to learn before she officially started at Hogwardts. Like how to do magic, that way she could be in her 6th year of school with the others her age. Because we all know how in Fics new people are prone to just 'coming' to Hogwardts so that they can date the characters.

"Dumbledoor, I brought Lena." Hagrid said proudly to an old man with a long white beard. The room they were in was an office, big too. "Lena, this is Dumbledoor, the principal at Hogwardts."

"Excuse me, Hogwardts?" Lena asked in her shy little voice, scary of these people.

"Hogwardts: School of Witchcraft and Wizardry." Hagrid said proudly.

"Thank you, that will be all Hagrid." Dumbledoor, the old man with the beard, had said, sending Hagrid away who looked a little disheartned by this but listend.

Dumbledoor: "Now Lena, what do you know of magic?"  
Lena: "Nothing! Am I dreaming Mr. Dumbledoor?"   
Dumbledoor: chuckles "No my dear girl, you are not dreaming."   
Lena: "Whats coing on?"   
Dumbledoor: "You my deer, are a witch. Your parents had died when you were only a year old on Christmas. They were James and Lily Potter, great wizards, a big evil wizard keeled them in hopes of keeling off you and your twin..."   
Lena: "I have a twin?"   
Dumbledoor: "Yes, and his name is Harry."  
Lena: "Is he here?"  
Dumbledoor: "No, he is currently on his way to meet you though. He shall be here tomorrow."  
Lena: "Oh!"

And with that, Dumbledoor spent the rest of the day teaching Lena about her parents and magic.

FAST FORARD TO MIDDLE OF THE YEAR AT HOGWARDTS----

Lena was happy. She had a real bed, she had mated her brother and mated his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger - who wer now a couple, dating, kissing and doing couply things together. She had even developed a small crush. She was great in her classes, second top grades in her class - next ot Hermione who was top. And now, she sat in the Grate Hall eating breakfast when she felt a presence, next she new they're was heat on her neck as a blonde Slytherin whispered in her ear. 

"Cum w/ me."

She nodded, folowing Draco Malfoy out of the Grate Hall w/ Malfoy, he took her to a hiden spot, under the stairs, then turned violently and began to kiss her passionately, she didn't fight it, after all, why would she Malfoy was her crush and here her brother couldn't find her. After a few moments of playing 'hockey' with there tongues, Draco pulled off and looked into her green eyes. "My dorm or yours?"

"Yours is closer."

And they, holding hands ran off together to Slytherin Dorms, unknewing to them, Harry had seem them run off...

**Authors Note:** So this fic will probably be no longer than 5 chapters long. But meh...


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:** Wow! 5 reviews in under 24 hours! That has never ever, EVER happened to me before! I love you guys sooo much, ye make me feel so very special! And as a treat, I've got the next chapter for you with replies to reviewers at the bottom. Just a side note: OOC, wrong dates, extreme cheesyness, extreme uber-death Mary Sue, spelling and grammer completely mangled till twitchyness and all that fun stuff on purpose. 

Also - the original 5 chapters I had said just might become much longer. I had originally planned this to be a One Shot, but I'm having loads of fun with it and there's sooooooo very much to cover in 'What Not To Do' when writing a Harry Potter FanFiction (or any other FanFic) that I think I need much, much more than 5 chapters. Meh... on with the story.

**Disclaimer:** ...umm... if I owned Harry Potter, why would I be writing Fan Fiction on it?

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**What Not To Do... **

**((Continued))**

Lena and Draco were on his bed, in his dorm, in Slytherin - making out and trying to rip off their robes at the same time when Harry Potter cleared his throught behind them and pointed his wand at Draco, in his pure anger he pulled out his want, pointing it at Draco he shoauted his spell.

_"Warmercial!"_

A blue light shot from the end of Harry's wand and hit Draco in his stomach hard, Lena skreamed allowed, and scary of Harry's reaction. "Harry! Don't do it! I love him!" Lena cried, tears filling grenn eyes.

"Get away from him Lena!"

Lena looked shocked, hurt. She had thought her brother of all people would understand how she felt about draco Malfoy. She ran off in teers. Crying, until her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks stained red.

Meanwhile... upon the bed in the slytherin dorm, where Draco had been hit with thi new spell from Harry, strange things were happening. His chest grew, budding breasts, his hips shrunk amd becaome curvy, his blonde hair grew until it reached halfway down his back... and things were happening _down there_ that Draco did not want to hazard any guess too.

"What the hell have you done to me, Potter?" Draco shouted, angry as his voice cracked and rose notes higher. Instead of being the manly deepness before, that could encaptivate any woman he so desired, it was rich, lucious and... feminine.

Draco Malfoy, had become a woman...

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**Authors Note:** I know, I know, tis not long at all, but meh... that would be on purpose too - don't you just _hate_ when someone promises a "long" chapter, and then this is about the length you get? Actually, I think this chapter might be longer than some of the other stories I read. Anywhom... bonus points to who can point out (other than spelling and grammer) so far what has been covered in the "What Not To Do" list. ;) 


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